Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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