You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
