Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
