So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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