Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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