I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
