You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
