I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
