i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
