maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
