She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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