The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
