He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
