no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
