I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
