She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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