i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
