i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
