I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
