I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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