Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
