im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
