We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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