My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
