Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
