At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
