ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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