Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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