Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
