i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
