My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
