Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
