so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
