honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
