We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
