Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
