but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
