I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
