Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
