Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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