He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
