Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
