If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
