Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
