It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
