what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want nice things and good sex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
