also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
