Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
