before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
