I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
