I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Houston, we have a squirter
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
