he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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